I Was Disappointed
Today, I spoke with a staff member from the Welfare Division at the city office.
After hearing from our care manager that I had returned to Okayama, they visited my father together today to talk with him.
They told me,
> "Your father says he has absolutely no memory of saying all those terrible things to you yesterday."
If he truly has no memory of the abusive things he said that hurt me so deeply, then does he really have no idea why I left?
They also said,
> "He told us that he's grateful to you for preparing his meals and taking care of so many things."
What?
What are they talking about?
Yesterday evening, my father was still shouting at me over the phone.
One night later, he's suddenly **grateful**?
I honestly don't understand.
The only information I had shared with the care manager and the Welfare Division was:
- My father's paranoid delusions had become so severe that I could no longer endure his verbal abuse, so I decided to return to Okayama.
- We had been planning to go to the bank because he could no longer remember his PIN number, but in the end he became so suspicious that I feared he might later accuse me of withdrawing his money without permission.
I was traveling at the time, so we couldn't talk for very long.
That was literally the extent of the information I was able to give them.
Based on so little information, together with my father's side of the story, I couldn't help feeling that they were trying to persuade me to go back.
Then the staff member said,
> "My own mother used to accuse me of trying to steal her money."
...What?
Your mother?
Her money?
For a moment, I had no idea what they were talking about.
Were they trying to say,
> "My mother also had dementia and accused me of being a thief.
> So, Mr. F, please hang in there too."
Is that what they meant?
Perhaps they simply wanted to share their own experience.
But...
Right now, hearing something like that doesn't help.
I just don't have any strength left.
All I can do is sigh.
*Sigh...*
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