My father has become "the troublesome old man" once again.
For a little while, he had been calmer.
Now he's back to his old self.
I've decided to live with the understanding that my father has dementia.
Because of that, I've chosen to overlook many of the things that "the troublesome old man" does.
But...
It still makes me angry.
"I won't wash the dishes."
That's okay.
I know it's beyond him now.
"I won't do the laundry."
That's okay too.
I know he can't manage it.
"I won't take out the garbage."
...Hang on a second.
"What's for dinner?"
Three days ago, weren't you still preparing your own meals?
Even the things he had been able to do just a few days earlier have now become my responsibility.
He's become completely dependent on me once again.
His temper has also returned.
My father couldn't remember the PIN for his bank card, so we needed to visit the bank.
I said,
"Dad, your account is at the I Branch, so let's go there.
Your cash card is an old magnetic-strip card.
Let's replace it with a new IC chip card."
He stared at me blankly.
"????"
I showed him my mother's card.
"See this gold chip?
This is the newer type."
Again...
"????"
Then he said,
"Don't you already have a new one?
Just use that."
I replied,
"That's Mom's card.
Yours doesn't have the chip."
He frowned.
"???? What on earth are you talking about?!"
I said,
"Please don't get angry.
The thing that exhausts me the most is being yelled at when I've done nothing wrong."
He snapped back,
"I'm NOT angry!!
You're the one saying strange things!"
I answered,
"But you are angry.
I haven't said anything strange."
His anger didn't subside.
Apparently, my father believes our family has only one bank account.
Now I finally understand why my mother used to say,
"Your father pays no attention to money."
He doesn't even realize that he has a bank account in his own name.
Then he asked,
"Where did you find that bankbook?"
I answered,
"Right here."
He became suspicious.
"How did you know where it was?!"
I explained,
"Mom showed me where everything was.
She said,
'If anything ever happens to me, you'll need to know.'
Well...
This is exactly the situation she was talking about.
If nobody knew where they were, nobody could withdraw any money."
He replied,
"I KNOW that!"
Yes...
I know you don't.
I understand that my father has dementia.
I've accepted that reality and decided to care for my mother while living with my father's dementia.
But...
I still get angry.
There's no helping that.
Honestly...
Sometimes I feel like I don't want anything more to do with him.
I'm not a saint.
I'm not a god.
And I think anyone—even a saint—would struggle in a situation like this.
The day after tomorrow, I'll have to take my father to the bank.
I don't want him later claiming,
"You withdrew my money without permission."
So this time, I'm leaving everything to the bank staff.
I'll simply say,
"My father has dementia.
I'll leave everything in your hands."
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